QUESTIONS MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED BY INTERVIEWERS
...AND HOW TO ANSWER THEM...
Tell me about yourself.
Okay, but this may take a few hours as I am a 48-year-old man and have quite an extensive personal and academic history. We may want to order a couple of pizzas and brew a pot of coffee while we're at it...
Why should I hire you?
What? Someone told you you SHOULD hire me? And you're asking me WHY? Well, hell, whoever it is must like me a lot to try to help me get a job HERE. I should take advantage of THIS situation.
Why do you want to work here?
You guys seem like a naive bunch...easy to take advantage of...I could really "get one over on you"...
What kind of relationship did you have with your last employer?
What makes you think I would ever have a relationship with someone I work for? Do I come across as being THAT promiscuous? You have a dirty mind, you know that?
What have you learned from some of the jobs you have held?
Disconnect security cameras before "shorting" the cash register for "gas or meal change"...
What is the worst thing your last employer could say about you?
Besides the way I "came on" to her 12-year-old daughter? ...Well, she didn't like me "helping myself" to "free" sandwiches and donuts, never mind that I pointed out that, considering how little she paid me, I was "entitled to a few perks"...
What was your greatest accomplishment in your previous job?
I managed to "give" myself a $300 "bonus" one month without my boss ever figuring out what I did.
What kind of boss do you prefer?
Young, female, nice-looking, and horny-as-hell...
What jobs have you held before?
All my jobs held ME more than I held them...that's why I had to quit them...
How did your previous employers treat you?
Like I was useless crap...but I understand that it's because they were such arrogant blowhard jerks...
What is your strongest asset?
Knowing when I'm being watched and when I'm not...
What is your weakness?
When I misgauge my "strongest asset" and get caught doing things I shouldn't do...
What jobs have you enjoyed the most?
The ones where my bosses were so hungover they weren't there when the place opened and I could come in as late as I wanted...
What jobs have you enjoyed the least?
Any place with "rules and regulations"...
What are your greatest accomplishments to date?
Made out with my last boss's 12-year-old daughter and no one else ever found out about it...
...AND HOW TO ANSWER THEM...
Tell me about yourself.
Okay, but this may take a few hours as I am a 48-year-old man and have quite an extensive personal and academic history. We may want to order a couple of pizzas and brew a pot of coffee while we're at it...
Why should I hire you?
What? Someone told you you SHOULD hire me? And you're asking me WHY? Well, hell, whoever it is must like me a lot to try to help me get a job HERE. I should take advantage of THIS situation.
Why do you want to work here?
You guys seem like a naive bunch...easy to take advantage of...I could really "get one over on you"...
What kind of relationship did you have with your last employer?
What makes you think I would ever have a relationship with someone I work for? Do I come across as being THAT promiscuous? You have a dirty mind, you know that?
What have you learned from some of the jobs you have held?
Disconnect security cameras before "shorting" the cash register for "gas or meal change"...
What is the worst thing your last employer could say about you?
Besides the way I "came on" to her 12-year-old daughter? ...Well, she didn't like me "helping myself" to "free" sandwiches and donuts, never mind that I pointed out that, considering how little she paid me, I was "entitled to a few perks"...
What was your greatest accomplishment in your previous job?
I managed to "give" myself a $300 "bonus" one month without my boss ever figuring out what I did.
What kind of boss do you prefer?
Young, female, nice-looking, and horny-as-hell...
What jobs have you held before?
All my jobs held ME more than I held them...that's why I had to quit them...
How did your previous employers treat you?
Like I was useless crap...but I understand that it's because they were such arrogant blowhard jerks...
What is your strongest asset?
Knowing when I'm being watched and when I'm not...
What is your weakness?
When I misgauge my "strongest asset" and get caught doing things I shouldn't do...
What jobs have you enjoyed the most?
The ones where my bosses were so hungover they weren't there when the place opened and I could come in as late as I wanted...
What jobs have you enjoyed the least?
Any place with "rules and regulations"...
What are your greatest accomplishments to date?
Made out with my last boss's 12-year-old daughter and no one else ever found out about it...
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