BRUEGGERS BAGELS
"Yes. May I help you?"
"Yes. Cinnamon sugar bagel and small coffee."
"Room for cream?"
"No thanks."
"Do you want anything on your bagel? Cream cheese? Butter?"
"Would it be extra?"
"Yes."
"No thanks."
"Alright ...99 cents for coffee, $1.50 for bagel..."
"Wait a minute. It says coffee is $1.99."
"Well the coffee itself is only 99 cents. But the cup is a dollar extra."
"Oh ...it just says $1.99 for a small coffee."
"Well, people always get confused if we list the price of the coffee and cup separately. So, rather than having to explain, we just list the whole price as $1.99."
"And the bagel? The price listed is $2.50."
"The plate is a dollar extra."
"A 'dollar extra'? For a small styrofoam plate?"
"EVERYTHING is 'extra' here."
"Why?"
"Because ...this is Brueggers Bagels."
Just for the record: I DO like their cinnamon sugar bagels.
Nonetheless it doesn't escape me that Brueggers is a bit ...modern-day "hipster"esque.
Probably part of the "grand gentrification" effort of the 21st century.
"Yes. May I help you?"
"Yes. Cinnamon sugar bagel and small coffee."
"Room for cream?"
"No thanks."
"Do you want anything on your bagel? Cream cheese? Butter?"
"Would it be extra?"
"Yes."
"No thanks."
"Alright ...99 cents for coffee, $1.50 for bagel..."
"Wait a minute. It says coffee is $1.99."
"Well the coffee itself is only 99 cents. But the cup is a dollar extra."
"Oh ...it just says $1.99 for a small coffee."
"Well, people always get confused if we list the price of the coffee and cup separately. So, rather than having to explain, we just list the whole price as $1.99."
"And the bagel? The price listed is $2.50."
"The plate is a dollar extra."
"A 'dollar extra'? For a small styrofoam plate?"
"EVERYTHING is 'extra' here."
"Why?"
"Because ...this is Brueggers Bagels."
Just for the record: I DO like their cinnamon sugar bagels.
Nonetheless it doesn't escape me that Brueggers is a bit ...modern-day "hipster"esque.
Probably part of the "grand gentrification" effort of the 21st century.
Are you serious? They charged you a dollar to put the bagel on a plate? Could you have just had it on napkin? I bet they would have charged you for that too. Can you supply your own cup and get them put the coffee in it for you?
ReplyDeleteThis post is a bit hyperbole. I only intended it as a parody of the modern-day trendy commercial establishments.
ReplyDeleteIt could of just as easily been Panera or Starbucks. Or any number of modern-day restaurants, bakeries and eating establishments which custom-cater to the "college crowd" and suburbia and upper-middle-class sets.
This post is essentially a joke, simply taking a cheap shot at part of the current social climate of our illustrious western society.
Ah sorry, I'm so gullible.
ReplyDeleteThis is a true story. Years ago there was a locally owned soft serve ice cream stand known for its cheapness. The inside of each cone was left empty, the ice cream balanced on top. A guy ahead of me in the line took his cone and bit a hole in the bottom. He sucked on the hole, filling the empty cone, proving that the serving was smaller than what was claimed, e.g., a medium was more like a small.
ReplyDeleteBut what really summed up the cheapness was a sign in the window:
"As a public service we provide cones with our ice cream."
The pricing didn't the cost of the cone? So without this public service you were supposed to cup your hands and then eat the ice cream that way?
"Perks" and "amenities" are among the modern-day version of the concept of "obscene words".
DeleteI was in Brueggers again the other day and the server mentioned that a bagel plain is $1.99, but with cream cheese it's $2.79.
DeleteSo my parody isn't that far off-the-mark.
I think Panera does the same thing: Charge extra for toppings or side dishes and the like.
One thing I've always noticed when it comes to a lot of commercial businesses---be they restaurants, coin-op laundries, coffee shops, donut shops: they never invest in their restrooms!
ReplyDeleteHave you ever given that much thought?
A lot those places have small johns with only one or two toilets.
And they're often seldom cleaned. A lot of times not even properly stocked. They don't refill the soap container (but, of course, still expect you to lift the lid with your bare fingers when pissing), or replace toilet paper rolls.
And if one john is out-of-order (or someone is taking a dump---in the case of a "one-hole" type) you either have to use the other gender's john or try to keep from pissing yourself.