Friday, November 1, 2013

To know you is to owe you

When you're an individual of low status you have to watch everything you do or say.
If you allow yourself to become too uninhibited you stand to be accused of being "offensive" or possibly even accused of some sex crime.
If you get upset and lose your composure, raise your voice any, or throw temper tantrums, you're "being threatening" or "dangerous".

You live as a social debtor and eternal servant.  You have no friends.  Everyone's either your "boss" or some kind of "creditor" reminding you of what you "owe" everyone.

Most people are Alpha personality types---the kind who are smug, overconfident, and always-in-command of things.
People who are "always right" and are know-all/can-do-all.

Just living in this world is what would be to someone else the equivalent of living with one's boss 24 hours a day/ 7 days a week.
Sometimes I feel society's little more than just one big intern camp and that I'm merely one of its prisoners.

I, myself, could never be able to actually love anyone.  Although I may still be aroused by one I find physically attractive.  But all that is is lust---no more than a desire or wish to merely use someone temporarily to satisfy a primary hedonistic longing.  Not worth much in the long-term.  Even my own desires become useless to me.

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