Wednesday, May 16, 2012

"Schadenfreude" revisited

One day I was talking to an acquaintance about how, when doing my laundry at the washateria, I have to check the insides of the machines before I put my clothes in them for garbage, loose and sharp items...and how, when I'm using the dryers, I keep touching the door every few minutes to make sure the heat is working. which he chuckled "You don't trust the machines there?".  He then stated he's "never had a problem when he's done his wash there".
I guess because it's one of the better laundromats in the city, if I've had any bad experiences there myself I just must be prone to bad luck---or, maybe, it must be something I did...I don't know.

But I hate that...when I've been snared by some glitchy crap stuff and afterwards have to be cautious and self-conscious about every move I make and everything I do---while everyone else around me is so carefree and nonchalant, like they've never had any problems with everything.
I start wondering: "Is there something about ME that causes all my mishaps?"..."Is it ME? Am I missing something? Or, maybe, I'm cursed or something?"

I don't like that feeling...that everyone around me can just "skate through life" without the need for "second thoughts"---while I'm stumbling through even the simplest of tasks...and answering for any oversights I may commit.
I tend to become resentful---to the point of losing all reverence and sensitivities toward others.

But, most of all, the notion that "it must have been something I did", somehow, when I have a bout of bad luck it's my fault.
How would they like it if I returned that attitude toward them?
Like, when someone's telling me about their serious health problems I reply:
"It's probably a lifetime of junk food and lack-of-exercise and drinking all the time. Can't go blaming God and the world for YOUR bad habits and laziness"
...or, say some woman comes stumbling into a restaurant I'm patronizing at the time, all bruised up and everything, crying to one of her friends about her boyfriend beating her up again---and I would reply: "Maybe he had a reason to beat the crap out of you...maybe you're just a bitch and he just gets fed up with you.  Or, if he really IS such an asshole, then maybe you just have a knack for bad judgment when it comes to choosing lovers.  After all, we've only heard YOUR side of the story, not his. We STILL don't know the whole story behind this now, do we?"

Put it on THE OTHER GUY for a change.
...I'm tired of everything being "my fault" all the time.
It's like I'm just a dolt and all-around "fuck-up" while everyone else is so graceful and intelligent.
Time to throw some of THEIR foibles back in their faces...they're ASKING for it!

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